You Might Be A Political Candidate, if

CRIMINAL RECORD
if you've been arrested more than 5 times but never convicted.
if you always bribe the officer out of speeding and parking tickets.
if you always say "I didn't do anything like that" when asked if you
  broke the law.

FINANCIAL WORLD
if you've failed in business more than 7 times.
if you've never held a job for more than 6 months.

RESUME
if you say you've graduated from college without getting a degree.
if you've been a used car salesman.
if you've been an insurance salesman.
if you've been an attorney.
if you've been a government employee.
if you've been unemployed longer than 6 months.

PERSONAL LIFE
if you've been married more than 3 times.
if you've been divorced more than 3 times.
if you're had more than 3 affairs.
if the media wants to do a special on your personal sex life.
if you are accussed of having an affair, you respond by saying "I don't
  even know her name!"
if you have a wealthy family to back you.
if you are wealthy.


SIMPLY THE FACTS MA'AM
if you look better than you can think.
if you talk better than you can think.
if you promise more than you can deliver.
if you consistently tell the same lies.
if you can tell 3 differenct groups 3 different views and still get elected.
if you can get your spouse to say he/she supports you no matter what.
if you can tell the crowd you're going to lower taxes, increase services
  and make life better for everyone with a straight face.

GOD GIVEN TALENTS
if you can walk and talk at the same time.
if you can walk and chew gum at the same time.
if you can tell more than one lie in a single sentence.
if you can write a speach with two false premises but have a true conclusion.
if you can have an affair and not get away with it.

WORKING THE TURF
if you can take donations from consumer and industrial groups on the same
  issue and stand proud.
if you can spend more money than your budget allows and get re-elected on
  the fact.
if you can take vacations on the extra campaign money and claim you need
  more for your re-election.
if you can get fellow politicians to buy into your new law if you promise
  to support their new legilation.
if you campaign to set term limits, but abstain from voting for the law.

HAVE A COCKTAIL
if you get drunk, run off a bridge, kill a women, and not serve time
if you get drunk, beat your wife, abuse your children, and publicly deny it.
if you get drunk, rape your escort, then accuse her of being a prostitute.
if you get drunk, chase women and deny it!
if you get drunk and deny it!
if you get drunk!


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